caitlin mackenzie

Swip Swap

2009-10-23T22:37:00.000-07:00

I've been contemplating this for years.... and now I've done it.

I've switched over to wordpress. Check out my blog now at http://caitlinmackenzie.wordpress.com/ !!!

Matt Saracen*

2009-10-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

Newsflash: I am in love with Friday Night Lights.

If you know me well, you know that I do not watch alot of TV. There are alot of things I would rather do than watch TV. However, last year Reid and I began watching a show together on DVD. A fun way to hang out when school has completely worn us out. So, I agreed to watch a childhood favorite of his: Dawson's Creek. I was totally against this show growing up. However, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about (and I wanted to humor Reid). I became addicted to this show... real quick. Then what happened? He told me he was tired of it. Oh, great! So here I sit after season 2, completely addicted and totally without resolution.

His next choice was Friday Night Lights. He has been raving about it for a couple years (?), and so has everyone else in my life. It took me less than 2 weeks to finish 2 seasons. This show is amazing. Family-friendly, it has the sports, drama, comedy, foreign-film elements that you love. So, we are waiting to rent/buy Season 3 and begin watching it together (as he had already finished 2 seasons), to prepare for the airing of Season 4. I just hope Reid's attention span for this show doesn't die out soon...

*Matt Saracen is my absolute favorite character on FNL. He is precious, but he makes some poor decisions in Season 2.

The Lab vs the Lecture Hall

2009-09-13T21:43:00.001-07:00

I was just listening to a Francis Chan podcast, and for those of you that haven't heard of him, you really should listen to a few sermons. One of the most exortational preachers I have ever heard, so inspiring. Inspiring in the kind of way that I tell others about what I've learned, and that it actually causes change in my life, and the desire to teach others as well.

Anyways...

I was just listening to his podcast (and paused it to write this), and he just used a profound metaphor. Remember back in HS or College when you had to attend a lecture hall? One of those rooms of hundreds of kids where you just sit and listen to the professor.... and hopefully learn something? Then you have the labs, where you go in, there are just a few students, and you are immediately putting to use the information you just received. It is practical, you are applying it, testing it to be true. What is your church experience? Are you just attending a lecture hall every week or are you attending your lab as well?

I was just thinking about the Acts 2 Communities we have at Genesis and how easily they represent the lab. We are going to be launching new communities throughout the county (about 10 total) in a couple weeks, and I am excited to actively be involved in a "lab opportunity" where I practice and test out whatever I am learning in church each week.

Do you want retirement?

2009-08-25T21:55:00.000-07:00

"why is my life more valuable than this baby's? Someone asked me recently why I don't save money for emergencies, or retirement. My answer was how can I justify saving for myself "just in case" something happens to me when something IS happening to so many already. 29,000 kids will die today of preventable causes. If I'm to love my neighbor AS myself, why spend so much time worrying about me?"
Posted by Francis Chan at www.francischansblog.blogspot.com

What do you think? Are we all fooling ourselves by placing importance in our savings accounts or our retirement funds?

When You Fall Through

2009-08-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

Coolest idea of the summer.

Our friends/neighbors Mel and Keith started the greatest summer tradition a few weeks ago: projecting a movie onto the side of the apartment complex in their grassy backyard.
Last week: Uncle Buck
Last Night: The Wedding Singer.

What an interesting weekend I've had. I would explain to you all that happened, specifically on Sunday, to help paint a picture, but I'm not sure I could do it without screaming. So, I'll spare you the details, but know it was crazy.

So, last night we had another movie night. For those of you out-of-towners, it is cold here during the summers at night. Meaning, I wore 2 sweatshirts, thick socks, and a huge blanket. It was awesome. Until I decided to "adjust." You know how when you're sitting in a lawnchair your butt gets stale just sitting there, sinking into the fabric, and you need to adjust by wiggling around? Well, it was time to adjust. So, as I start to move, a loud noise happens and I realize my butt is on the ground. That is right, I completely broke through the chair and fell to the ground. A solid, clean rip, all the way through the entire piece of lawnchair fabric. Amazing.

Jenny Craig? You free this week?

Day in the City

2009-08-22T22:20:00.000-07:00

I spent the day in the city (San Francisco, in case you were uncertain) with Bethany (see picture), my college roommate. She is the lucky fiance of Brian Robles (see picture again) as of last weekend. Congrats, friends. As required in the book of good friends, I drove up to see her and get excited about this beautiful wedding and her new life as a married lady.

Obviously, we went straight to the bookstore to pick up a preliminary dose of bridal magazines, and chatter about all the creative and ingenious wedding ideas we think up or read about. Then we spent some quality time craft-browsing in Jo-Anns and Michaels (can we take a quick time-out to address how miserable it is living in the Santa Cruz area without a Michaels? ok. continue). What a wonderful time, getting excited about a wedding with a long-time friend and dreaming up all the possibilites for her big day! Now, Anna... come home quick! We have some celebrating and planning to do!!!

Sometimes you need to sing.

2009-08-11T17:51:00.000-07:00

I freaked out the other day. All of the sudden I realized I had none of my undergraduate documents in my possession. Thankfully, my dad recovered them on my old computer at home. With those old files comes some great college memories. Hopefully you enjoy this video as much as I do. If you don't--well then you probably need to work harder to have fun in life. Because remember...

"Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional."

Remember that country song, "There is no Arizona"??

2009-07-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

Here are some shots from my weekend in Arizona with Jennifer. We grew up in the same church together.... our entire lives. From the nursery to youth group.

If I could, would I?

2009-07-13T19:51:00.000-07:00

If I could, I would move to Japan for a year to work with Malachi ministries.

If I could, I would move out of my apartment and into a boat in the harbor.

If I could, I would move back down to LA and get a job at APU.

If I could, I would work at a cafe in Albi, France.

If I could, I would become fluent in French.

If I could, I would sell all of my pants and fill my wardrobe with summer dresses.

If I could, I would buy an entire block of housing and start a commune.

If I could, I would join a volleyball club and never stop playing.

If I could, I would design and entire line of jewelry and sell it to a local boutique.

If I could, I would get my Masters in Divinity at Fuller Seminary.

If I could, I would move to Arizona to spend more time with Jennifer.

And maybe I will. But for now, I am living near my best friends in one of the most beautiful cities in the country.

Dirty Dancing in Playa Del Carmen

2009-07-11T22:37:00.001-07:00

for those of you that follow me on facebook, you knew how excited i was to dance. our resort in playa del carmen, mexico advertised dance lessons, among many other things. all i wanted was to have fun learning a little "tropical dancing" in mexico.

if you haven't heard me bicker yet, our vacation to mexico was awful. that is an understatement. despite the number of times i've told this story, i still haven't found a better adjective. the food was awful, i could rest because the beds were so hard, and they lied to us about almost everything the resort had. don't get me started on didi.

it was day three, and for some reason i still had faith that this resort wasn't a total waste. "tropical dance lessons: wednesday at 4:30". simple enough. but where? I walked around for awhile, looking for the tropical dancing, but couldn't find anything. i headed to the front desk where the less-than-helpful-thus-far concierge was located.

"Tropical dancing is at the pool," he said.

THE POOL?? in the pool? on the rough concrete area surrounding the pool?

i proceeded to the pool, and, of course, found nothing. it was just as it appeared 10 minutes ago when i was swimming in it. so, i found the towel shack and asked the man working it (who had also previously served us dinner, entertained us at the bar at night, and i'm sure something else i'm forgetting), "where is the tropical dancing?"

He continued, "OH! tropical dancing! you want to do tropical dancing?? go gather people and we will start tropical dance lessons!"

yeah right. what a joke.

i will not lie to you. every fiber of my being was hoping to have my own "Dirty Dancing" the movie experience in mexico. ok, don't be crazy. i just wanted to do some fun dance lessons at our resort, thats all.

what a joke, a disappointment. it was day three that i realized what a freakin mess this vacation was. thats the day i finally cried. i wanted to go home, eat some real food, sleep in my own hand-me-down creaking bed with a flat pillow.

don't worry. thing started to look up. (ok, so they didn't). what i mean, is that we finally stopped expecting anything from the resort. instead, we spent about 8 hrs a day in the ocean and pool. from the ocean, to the pool, back to the ocean, returning to the pool again.

the best thing that happened in mexico was my tan. and that my family got along. and the ocean. it wasn't a total bomb. basically, i'm glad to be home.

my trip to Arizona this weekend, i'm hoping, will redeem my vacation. can't wait

Playa Del Carmen

2009-07-09T23:32:00.001-07:00

Photos for now. I'll update with stories, later.

Please Pray for Jacob Kirkendall

2009-07-08T21:04:00.001-07:00

A 17 year old from my church, Jacob Kirkendall, was recently electrocuted and has been in critical condition for over a week. His father, Tom Kirkendall, who recently served on staff at Genesis, is a friend and fellow member of our community. Please show your support and receive daily updates by visiting their blog at http://journeythroughfire.blogspot.com.

On Love and Marriage

2009-06-26T17:09:00.000-07:00

Khalil Gibran in "The Prophet":

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
Even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together;
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Dancing with Myself. Part One.

2009-06-10T17:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend (which begins today) is going to be a difficult one. See, a week ago Reid left for Japan, as my faithful readers are aware. On the same note, my roommate Katie left for New Zealand on Monday. Both of them will be gone for a month.

Anna left today for a wedding in Idaho. She will be gone until Monday. Now for my close friends, things are starting to add up, and you are probably getting the point. I am alone. Two best friends in Santa Cruz and boyfriend are gone. I will be hanging out with myself.

You are probably wondering if I have other friends in town and the answer is yes. But, I have been learning alot about myself in this therapy program, and what I have learned is that I have a hard time functioning by myself. I am an extrovert, I get energy from being around other people. I always choose going out over staying home to watch a movie or "read a good book." I choose jobs where I work with lots of different people. I do homework around people, in noisy environments. I like to sleep in a room with someone else (was that weird to say?).

So here I am, in this big apartment by myself. The worst part is that I have a ton of homework to do for the next 2 weeks straight. Since I am presently unable to focus on homework, I have decided to blog. I figured it may be interesting to pay attention to what I do when I'm by myself...and it may be interesting for you to see how unproductive I am when I'm by myself. Although, I may discover something new. Thence (did I make this work up?), my experiment begins.

I would just like to add that today I signed up for unlimited text messages. This may be perfect timing, or terrible time, we are yet to know. I will leave you with this quote that I have been reading alot lately:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it; live along some distant day into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke
"Letters to a Young Poet"

Life without Reid

2009-05-22T16:15:00.000-07:00

This is my wonderful boyfriend, Reid. He is going to leave for Japan in a week, and I don't think life will be fun without him. On the other hand, I am so excited that he is taking this trip with some of his best friends. If you don't know him, you should get to know him, he is funny, smart, and compassionate. Triple threat. :-)

When it goes too far

2009-05-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

The dialogue of reimaging church is exciting to me as I've said. However, it leads to extremism. I always get nervous when this comes about.

...didn't "postmodernism" spring up as an extreme, a rebellion against the extremist modernity movement? A movement of absolutism, but instead of balancing it out, has been met with a postmodernity relativism? My favorite conversation involves finding a balance in these two.

As annoyed as I was at APU for trying to instill the "Wesleyan Quadrilaterial" into my stream of thought, I appreciate it these days. To understand a balance of Scripture-Tradition-Reason-Experience is invaluable, and necessary for an objective evalution of process.

To throw away the years of thought that have gone into the evoluation of church could be devastating. However, I do understand that we need to consider how humanity and habit have distorted the authentic community that God desires for us.

What I am trying to say is that I get nervous when the organized church is abandoned altogether. Conversely, I get extremely nervous when some are so caught up in their organized church that they can't see outside of/imagine Christian community outside of their church campus.

That Which I Can't Handle.

2009-05-18T21:09:00.000-07:00

I love church books. There, I said it. Call me a geek, weirdo, whatever. I can't quit my fascination with the dialogue on church: the postmodern church, emerging church, missional church, re-doing church...blah blah. It's fascinating.

"Total Church: A Radical Reshaping around Gospel and Community" by Tim Chester and Steve Timmis is the current read. The great part about this book, is that I get to do it for work. That's right, its work. (Although, many of you are probably not jealous).

Ok, let's get into the good stuff.

We need to be communities of love. And we need to be seen to be
communities of love. People need to encounter the church as a network of
relationships rather than a meeting you attend or a place you enter.

...said simple enough. Why is it so hard for church leaders to imagine or formulate a community that simply lives life together? Why does there have to be a church service? Why does the church have to be big? Why do we need a big stage, big sounds, and big words?

Maybe so that we are not forced to reply--or better yet, so that we are unable to reply.

I know that "loving your neighbor as yourself" does not simply refer to the person in the house/apartment next door. It refers to each person that you meet and encounter in your life.

Or does it? Have we so departed from the literal translation of neighbor that we no longer pay attention to our actual, physical neighbors?

Why must one drive 30 minutes, an hour even to participate in their community of faith? What is the advantage of gathering every christian in the county, pulling them in to one central location. What then with the rest of the county? Forsaken? Neglected? Ignored?

How do you reach the county when you've pulled every believer out of the county and called them to a central location? Does that invite people?

One of my favorite studies in my undergrad involved the concept of Christian hospitality. In Living the Hospitality of God by Lucien Richard:

The word hospitality, taken in a broad sense, expresses the
willingness to share not only our possessions but that which, in some sense, is
ours in a private and personal sense, our home...

...as Henri Nouwen affirms, 'The paradox of hospitality is that it wants to
create an emptiness, not a fearful emtpiness, but a friendly emptiness where
strangers can enter and discover themselves as created free; free to sing their
own songs, speak their own languages, dance their own dances; free also to leave
and follow their own vocations.'

Now, it's getting late so my thought process is slowing down, but bear with me as I bring these scattered thoughts to a close. There is an uncanny parallel between the concept of Christian hospitality and the missional church. Instead of spelling out my own connections tonight (since I reached the dreaded stroke of 10:00pm when my brain turns to jelly), I want to invite you few readers to engage.

As I close out, I want to refer back to my introduction. "I love church books." I consider this a great weakness. If I had spent as much time practicing these books as I did reading this, God would have used me to make a dent on His church, I am sure of it.

Gardening Time

2009-05-09T14:35:00.001-07:00

The garden that we started over a month ago is finally sprouting beautiful things. Unfortunately, a few seedlings along the way have past...rest in peace buttercrunch lettuce.

Our cilantro has already paid off on multiple taco nights, and the rosemary is thusfar neglected. I am most excited for the jalapeno plant, but somehow I do not have faith in it producing.

For those of you that requested, here are pictures of the garden we have going, plus a couple pictures of the apartment.
Enjoy!

A pleasant run-in

2009-04-17T23:39:00.000-07:00

Although my dramatic worry-wart personality becomes the butt of jokes at times, it does infest my living. It doesn't matter how many times you reassure me, it will not be ok. No matter what you swear on, I still won't believe you. (I hate it, too).

It really puts a break in my day when I'm proven wrong. You are right, I will be ok.

Despite how many times a compliment is delivered, I won't hear it. Only under those special circumstances will it leak through my guard. I don't know what those circumstances are, sorry. I'm learning. Tonight it took an off-the-cuff, middle of class interruption by a professor for me to hear it.

But, I got it. And it made me smile. Thank You.

About joining...

2009-04-14T10:40:00.000-07:00

"If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together."

- ABORIGINAL ACTIVISTS GROUP, QUEENSLAND, 1970's

...imagesimagesimages...

2009-03-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

sleeping flowers

2009-03-05T19:57:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was walking to my car (which is parked pretty far away because I have relinquished my rights to our parking passes for cheaper rent) when I looked to the flower beds and realized that the beautiful yellow blossoms near my regular parking spot had died--no, they had fallen asleep. It was the weirdest situation. The blossom which had just yesterday (I thought) been fully alive, were now completely closed and rather droopy. I spent a good 15 minutes reminiscing on these flowers... and finally realized. They are sleeping flowers. Yes, of course they have a more technical name, but since I dont' know what it is, I think my choice of name best suits them. Again, today I parked my car and began walking to my apartment when i realized the flowers were fully alive again. I felt cuckoo. As it turns out, these flowers wake up whenever the sun comes out. When we have a rainy day, they go back to sleep... I am yet to see the whole process of their "waking up" but hopefully, if I can find a friend to join, I will be able to camp out near them one morning as the sun rises and watch them arise from their slumber. Just like on those slow-motion videos I watched back in Physics class in high school. The drop of water, breaking glass, opening flower, etc.

What a treat.

The Refrigerator Bet

2009-02-17T21:28:00.001-08:00

Today Katie had the refrigerator door open wide, and my imagination was excited so I told her that if she sat in the refrigerator for a whole minute, I would give her a 20 minute massage.
She did it.
Here is evidence. Enjoy.

The Shack

2009-02-14T22:58:00.001-08:00

I finished reading The Shack this week, it was a quick read (which for me is about 3 weeks). I enjoyed it, it gave me smiles, tears, and caused me to think alot.

I realized about myself that I get really edgy (not the right word, but I can't think of something else to fit my state) when people give an ultimate critique to something. What I mean by this is when someone says "it was awful" or "it was the best book ever".... tell me something ABOUT it!

I think it can be an ignorant stance to say something like that. Ok, that was harsh. I guess what I'm feeling is that after leaving the educational institution of Azusa Pacific University, I am no longer surrounded by sponges. I guess what I mean is I am no longer surrounded by people soaking up information, critiquing it with intelligence, and having and informed discussing about what they can take from a book, music, historical event, or experience. Sometimes I feel that people also forget that college taught them how to intellectually critique something, and that makes my heart ache. I can't explain it, but I actually experience a physical ache in my core (I say "core" due to lack of specific location, its not my heart, its not my stomach...) when I have a discussion with someone who was educated well and is making ignorant comments or decisions.

Let me tell you a little bit about where school put me....

at a graduation (I believe in 2005) at APU, John Wallace, our president, described APU as an institution that "chews you up, and spits you out." In other words, it messes with everything you know to be logical, coherent, and true. APU tells you to rethink everything you have ever been told. You are not the beholder of all truth. In fact, when you think you have found truth, or you think you have "understood it"... that is when you are farthest away from understanding it. (You'll have to excuse me, I switched from speaking as John Wallace and I am now moving on to my own rants). Especially when it comes to God or the Bible, YOU DONT KNOW, but seek after the answers with every inch of your body, mind, and soul and that will be the fulfilled life. That is what experience has told me thus far. God will direct you. Be willing to listen. And listen to whole store. And not respond. And then walk away and chew on it until you respond 1,2,3 days later to begin the discussion. Ask questions. Then sit back. Argue against yourself. Try defending the other person.

I hope, with every ounce of me, that I never forget this process. That I never get to a place of thinking I understand it. That new revelations continue to greet me.

Its a humbling process, it hurts. In fact, its very frustrating and sucks alot at times. It is not safe, it is not a "content" experience.

Ok, read this, chew, react, respond.

Then if you feel bold, read Exclusion and Embrace by Miraslav Volf.

Where I am now...

2009-02-11T10:41:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone, I know that it has been a long time since I have updated you on where I am at. Let me tell you, this last fall term was pretty crazy for me. Then came Christmas, the terrible blizzard that ruined my holiday, and a new term starting with a new apartment. Here is a little view of what I have been up to...

To my dear Beth

2008-11-19T20:13:00.000-08:00

I stayed up a few nights this week to watch "Little Women" with my roommate Katie. As you may or may not remember, the third daughter of the women is named "Beth". She is just the most precious thing. Then she died. That part of the movie was not precious, it was depressive. It is not until Beth dies that you realize you know nothing about her, which is even more distressing. You spend the whole movie completely wrapped up in the lives of 3 of these sisters without even realizing they haven't touched on the life of Beth, besides the fact that she is ill.

With that said, we must get together. I need to spend time with my Beth. I think we should cook (Italian food of course), then watch either of two movies:
1. Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightly version)
2. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
3. (I suppose you could add a suggestion here)

(If we have time to get together before December, we must prepare for the arrival of our 3rd sister, Anna.)

Sometimes I have alot to talk about.

2008-11-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

Most of the time I have an outlet: Anna, Reid, school, facebook chat...but right now, blogging is going to have to suffice.

I am supposed to be working on a paper right now that is a week overdue. I just finished a paper last night that was also a week overdue. I am going to have 2 quizzes in class today which require reading about 200-250 pages of material which I know nothing about as of now. I am not sure I will read them. And you sure know what that means: failing the quiz. Ok, I can even deal with that. What I can't deal with is the face that I already got these papers in, and I don't even have a full week until my next paper is due (for one of the same classes), and this one is 20 pages. Ridiculous? A bit. AND, this 20 pager is on the SAME BOOK as one of my previous papers. I don't get it.

My ballot is also yet to be filled out and turned in. I'm told that if I don't get it in the mail today, it won't count. Welp, here's to you, Obama! (Or should I say, here's to you, McCain, since Obama loses my vote?)

I have been dreaming of knitting so much lately, that I have probably spent 2 hours this past week looking at knitting patterns online. 2 hours is probably the time it takes to head to the yarn store, buy supplies, and finish close to 1/2 of a project.

I also want to travel so bad I can't stand it. Well, apparently I can, which is why I haven't gone anywhere. I just came to the realization that I may need to extend my schooling out another year. Another YEAR! It didn't seem so bad... until I realized that meant another year longer til I can go somewhere cool. So, I am back to square one, sweating my life away, not completing papers, crying in group therapy every week, unable to work out, and eating terribly.

Ok, that was a big exaggeration.

I am completing papers, just late.
I have only cried in group twice.
Yes, I haven't worked out.
Eating... well, lets just say I could do better.

It is the worst feeling having to constantly turn people down when they invite me to do something. It is even worse when the same people ask me over and over again "What are you doing tonight? What are you doing friday? What are you doing thursday? What are you doing saturday?" THE SAME THING I DO EVERY WEEK: TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!

I wish.

THE SAME THING I DO EVERY FRIDAY... GO TO CLASS!!! STOP ASKING ME EVERY WEEK AND JUST SHOVING THE POINT INTO ME, THAT I HAVE NO LIFE AND NEVER GET TO DO ANYTHING WITH YOU. If you ask me one more time to do something on a night that I am busy EVERY week consistently, I might smack you. (ok, ok, I could have said that nicer, I apologize).

Yes, I just hit my head on our chandelier. Yes, it did feel good.

I did get to wear my rainboots yesterday. Ok, I chose to, when I put them on, it wasn't raining. I didn't care, I like wearing them. They are green with apples on them. I really wish i didn't have to be awake right now (7:00 on a Saturday morning), and I wish I didn't have to go to work and then school.

I turned in my student loan application yesterday by fax. I am praying they received it, or else I dont receive my loan for next semester. That could be bad. I also just received a statement from my doctor that I have a bill over 30 days due... WHAT?? Where did that come from and since when do you bill me? I have a co-pay, and you didn't even help me!!!

On Love

2008-10-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

"If a man has one person, just one in his life,
To whom he is willing to confess everything -
And that includes, mind you, not only things criminal,
Not only turpitude, meanness and cowardice,
But also situations which are simply ridiculous,
When he has played the fool (and who has not?) -
Then he loves that person, and his love will save him."

Scooters, Vacation, Fall

2008-10-02T23:15:00.001-07:00

Hello friends. It has been a long time since I have updated you, and time has flown by. Possibly all summer without correspondence? Regretfully, I don't believe I took one picture this summer.

Update: Anna will be moving in with me in December. Beth got a cute puppy. School started. My family may be going on a cruise in June. I am in a small group at church. Money is nonexistent. I won't visit Portland until Christmas...yikes. There is a large pile of costco toilet paper on my living room floor.

Changes

2008-09-09T23:19:00.002-07:00

Reid has recently acquired 2.5 new roommates:

- my good friend Dan Hynes
- Nathan (of the Stirling clan)
- Josh aka Gherkin (0.5)

It is funny how much my social life has changed with having good 'ol Dan back in town, having Gherkin in town, and having a new friend/intellectual (Nathan) to hang around.

The weekly BBQ/fires have increased as well as the size of these functions. Beer making has entered my life, as some good friends have left (Will and Christina are on tour for a long time now). I now have bicycle riding buddies, as well as a new coffee shop to hang out at.

To top it all off, Anna will be moving down here before too long.

School has started, and my job is getting boring, those are both partial downers...
...but, oh well.

Nest Maine

2008-08-25T15:21:00.001-07:00

SCHOOL! SCHOOL! DON'T BE LATE! SIGN YOUR NAME ON THE GOLDEN GATE! C-A-I-T-L-I-N!

Does anyone else remember that jump-roping rhyme?

School starts up again within the week, but let's talk about something more exciting. I finished only 1 item to send to Nest Maine (see previous blog). I was able to make a beanie out of this yummy forest green/coral wool yarn that I picked up. My work has actually disappointed me, I just followed a generic pattern and made it up as I went, and now I am kind of regretting it. It's good, its just not great. But on the bright side, I finished on time to send it off, and it will keep someone's head warm this summer.

Hanging with High Schoolers

2008-08-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

Luckily, I had enough free time this summer to do something that I enjoy. I have been able to spend some time with the Twin Lakes High School Group... here are some pictures of my summer!!!

Blueberry Pie

2008-08-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

Bethany came over today and we made a delicious blueberry pie. The recipe came from Martha Stewart of course. Homemade crust and all!

Jobs Work Occupations Life. Blech.

2008-08-07T20:46:00.001-07:00

It's not that I don't appreciate what I have been given. I am grateful that I was able to move into town, and that I could finally afford moving into an apartment. And don't think that I am walking through life depressed everyday. In fact, I laugh quite a bit at work every day. Maybe some days I do get ridiculed for my less-than-designer clothes, or get the bird because of a misunderstood joke, but I wouldn't say that I am dying to put in my two weeks.

It's just that I never laid awake at night dreaming of working in a back office at Macy's. Working around fashion was a dream for me in high school when all I wanted was nice clothes and a trendy haircut to impress people. But I can't imagine I'll feel good in five years looking back on the time I invested in Macy's, and thinking of all the lives I changed through my "outstanding" recruiting skills.

I wasn't built for this. I truly believe God designed me for something more, to actively be a part of the church and use my creativity and heart for community to build a group of people striving to bring heaven on earth, striving for a restoration of our fallen creation, striving to know the heart of God.

...and then I step off the soapbox in my empty room to realize that if I am so impatient, unsatisfied, and arrogant (?) about where I need to be and what I need to be doing to be a servant, then I can't possibly be prepared yet for what God has planned for me.

Three Cups of Tea

2008-08-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

"In time of war, you often hear leaders-Christian, Jewish, and Muslim-saying, 'God is on our side.' But that isn't true. In war, God is on the side of refugees, widows, and orphans."

-Greg Mortenson

I ran 6 miles today.

2008-07-27T15:27:00.001-07:00

This morning I got up at 7:00am to take off to the Santa Cruz Wharf to participate in the annual Wharf to Wharf 10K. (I think its a 10K.... 6 miles). No, I haven't trained at all. i've probably run 5 times in the last 2 months. However, I pretty much ran the whole time. I believe we (Reid and I) finished in about 1:05. I will probably be a bit sore... but it is a really fun race. I can't wait until next year!

My goal for the day was to run fast enough to make it to the finish line before they ran out of small T-shirts. (Last year I had to take a medium).

I did it. :-)

Staying warm in Maine

2008-07-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

It turns out this oil/economy issue is hitting people alot harder than I think. It turns out beginning this last winter, people back in Maine were really struggling to stay warm. A lady has started a knitting project to help out people back in Maine that either can't afford to buy warm clothes in the winter, or can't afford to keep their thermostat above 60 degrees. Check it out:

http://nestmaine.blogspot.com/

I am hoping to contribute at least one project before the due date: September 1st. I am not a fast knitter, but deadlines seem to inspire me. If by any random chance there is another knitter that reads my blog... you should join in on this effort. Or if you know someone that knits, show them this project.

It's a small way I can contribute to those really suffering from our troubled economy.

Summer Reading

2008-07-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

I have found alot of interesting blogs about summer reading opportunities. Lists and lists full of books to complete during the summer. I really wanted to start a list of my own and try to conquer it. But then I settled into my reality again and realized that about three books would be a good challenge.
I started off the summer with a book my friend Marc Gshwend gave me, "Surprised by the Voice of God" by Jack Deere. It is all about hearing the voice of God through visions, dreams, etc. It was a hefty read... close to 400 pages, and I finished it about 2-3 weeks ago. Now we are more than halfway through the summer and I am feeling rather depressed about my accomplishments in summer reading. But it is not really bugging me, as I would read that book all over again just to spend all the time thinking about the ways I wish I was hearing God's voice and interacting with Him day to day.
I have recently picked up a new book, "Three Cups of Tea", a story about Greg Mortenson and his efforts to build schools in North Eastern Pakistan (I believe) for children, specifically girls. I picked up this book awhile back and only finished the introduction which was extremely boring for me, so I put it down. However, this book that I received as a gift for my last birthday kept speaking to me from the shelves, "READ ME", so I picked it up and powered through the introduction again to get to the good stuff. It is really amazing to hear a real life story of how one many can make a difference. How, it is just as hard as you think to build a school in a random foreign country, yet all you have to do is try in order to succeed. Yes, it is inspiring, and touching, and shocking all at once. I'll keep you updated about this one.

I still have a few books that have been staring me down for up to a couple years. One of them is called "Radical Reformation". My good friend Dan Hynes gave that to me a little while back. The pastor that I interned for at Glendora Community Church back near Azusa gave me a book when I left called "Shaped by the Word." I think it is just about the power of reading Scripture and how to read it correctly, which could possibly be monotonous and i think that is why I haven't tried to tackle it yet. Finally, in addition to these books, I have at least 10 schoolbooks that I never actually completed at APU. I sold back all the books that I knew I would never read, but kept the ones that I knew had to be amazing.

I will keep you updated on Three Cups of Tea as I go through it. I am about 1/4 of the way done.

Reading is a very enticing hobby right now as I sit in the middle of summer down here in Santa Cruz, California and look out to a chilly, foggy morning. (Well, it was a chilly, foggy morning when I started this blog). It seems as peaceful and enjoyable as any other hobby right now. Regretfully (maybe), knitting seems to be taking up my time. Knitting, Reading, Beading, Beaching.... too much to do.

For whatever reason, I can't decide which I love more. So for now... I'll just continue to blog.

Friends are friends are friends

2008-06-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

Over the past few years I have fighting against the idea that my life is going to go through phases, that things are going to change and have already changed. In fact, I think I have hard to convince myself that things will always be the same, just slightly altered.

One of the great trials a friendship encounters is the test of time. With time, comes distance. I would be hard fought to find someone that lived in the same place for more than 20 years. Of course they exist, but rare. I don't think gossip, boys, or hobbies will create the greatest trials in a friendship. I believe a friendship has truly endured when it has "stood the test of time."

At the end of each summer at Camp Hammer, as a staff we talked about what it would look like to leave the "bubble" we were living in with our "best friends" and what to expect realistically with our staff friendships. Each first-timer chimed in, "I am excited to go home with 50 new best friends!" or "I can't wait to keep up these friendships by phone each evening!" However, each returning staff member would listen with a silent chuckle thinking about the hard reality the staff members would face when they realize they don't get to see each other each day. I stand firm in believing that I value each of those friendships as much as the next staff member. However, after a year you learn that your friendships are not determined by daily discussions or updates each week. Your friendships are alive because of the experiences you shared while you were together, and because there is still a hope that you will be together again one day. (If that sounds existential, maybe it is). There are probably 100 people out there that I worked with at Camp Hammer one summer or another and I have not talked to since--nor will I talk to them again in all likelihood. However, each time I think about them I cannot help but grin ear to ear with the thought of being with them one day. As for my friends from 2007, the joy of their presence lasts to this day as I imagine them visiting Santa Cruz in the near future to celebrate old times.

Outside of the camp realm, I have friendships that have faded as I moved away from Oregon. It has helped me realize who my strongest friends are--those that don't care whether I live in Santa Cruz or Timbuktu--we have shared memories that can never be taken away from us. There is no shame in a friendship that is alive based only on the memories shared. Do not be ashamed of these friendships. If you lose these friends, you will lose the memories as well.

My friend Jennifer and I have been friends since before we could talk. However, when we moved away to college, there became a great distance between us. It has never phased us and never will.

However, I have many friendships that I have tried to keep alive because I don't want to let go of certain time periods of my life. I believe this can create a barrier for my growth as I have refused to admit that life is different now and it will not be the same as it once was.

Ok, I am all over the place...any thoughts?

VHS in Bed

2008-06-20T22:19:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day. I woke up around 8:00 (sleeping in practically), showered with a breeze chasing through my bathroom, then took off for my 10 minute walk to work. It was really hot on the way there, I knew it would be a crazy day when I started to sweat at 9am. A "blah" day at work... but I can't complain, I was able to have a lunch break with Reid. During work I found out about the local fires near Seascape, and how my store manager's house was in danger, as well as another manager at work. That was weighing pretty heavy on me until I had to walk home in 100 degree weather (thats not a joke), staring ahead at the billows of smoke ahead of me in the sky. As my heart sank, I thought of what I could do to avoid sitting around the heat all day, thinking about the burning homes. I thought about how amazing the cold ocean sounded. That was in the cards until Reid and I decided to pick up some food and cook at home. Following dinner we watched a bit of Seinfeld, did the dishes as Katie made an ice cream sandwich cake, then decided to rest up as the evening cooled off. Ended the day with a good ol' VHS (Return to Me) upstairs. I have to say that I could definitely get used to this summer life.

Oh the little things

2008-06-17T22:41:00.001-07:00

I think I have officially become an adult. I fell last night. No, I wasn't pushed over. No, I wasn't playing basketball. And NO, I wasn't even running. I was walking, just walking, and I tripped and fell. What an embarrassing moment. I couldn't even catch myself...only old people fall like that and can't catch themselves.

Granted, my hands were full... but it is still ridiculous. I was all by myself. I thought about crying, but what was the use? No one was around to care. So, I picked up everything I had dropped and I walked into my house as the blood oozed down my leg. I tore a chunk of skin off my knee... it's gross.

It ended well, though. Luckily, we didn't have anything resembling a band-aid or piece of guaze large enough to cover the wound. So...I placed a maxi pad on it and bound it to my leg with a sash from Katie's Jean Benet costume. What a night.

I am in town. yadda yadda

2008-06-07T09:03:00.000-07:00

WOO HOO!!! I'm in an apartment with a kitchen and a parking spot, and a refrigerator, and roommates, and stores.... and more stuff that I can't think of right now. OHH..... internet access!!! And phone service!!! Yup. Sweet.

FAF update

2008-05-26T16:30:00.000-07:00

Friends and Family Update, that is.

It is May 26th I believe, and I have been living up at Camp Hammer for over six months now. On June 3rd, I am going to be moving into town to live with a friend named Katie. It is in an apartment a few blocks from work and a few blocks from the beach. In addition, school will be on hold this summer as no classes are offered that I need. On Friday, Reid and I will be flying to Portland for my sister Kimmy's high school graduation and to say hello to family and a few friends. When I move back, I have about 24-48 hours to move into my new place, yikes!

This weekend Reid's parents came over to their beach house and Reid and I hung out with them. they took us to this very nice Mexican dinner and Reid's friend Johnny came along. It was all good fun, and afterwards, we watched an old Indiana Jones movie.

Besides that, life consists of driving all around town for work, school, and community dinners up at camp to enjoy before I move into town in 1 week! Hopefully, I will be uploading some new pictures of my apartment, friends, and a few knitting projects I have recently completed!

Finding time for McLaren

2008-05-12T19:44:00.000-07:00

I have spent countless hours hearing about Brian McLaren and hearing him speak in chapel. Finally, I was able to read one of his books. The first book I tackled was Everything Must Change: Jesus, Global Crisis, and a Revolution of Hope. In this book he has created a model for the "system" in which our society is controlled. In fact, he calls it a "suicidal machine" that we have created and is going to self-destruct if we don't save it. It is a system under which injustice, oppression, poverty, and destruction survive and dwell.

I think it was an extremely effective model that he created to get some strong political statements across.

Let me back up, I am reading this from my point of view, a believer from an extremely conservative republican background where laws are the guide and wealth is to be conserved and protected (maybe that was too strong?). I read this from a viewpoint which has heard much of the political reformation which must take place among evangelicals, but has not begun to practically understand how this can take place (until recent years).

Continuing on... this was an extremely effective model to present to myself, my family, and most of my conservative friends growing up who were/are opposed to socialism, environmentalism, and definitely pacifism.

If you find yourself in this boat, pick up Brian McLaren's book and just read the first chapter. If you have an open mind, it should draw you in. Don't be scared to contemplate ideas other than your own... the worst that could happen is your ignorance begins to crumble.

Trust me, it's an exciting experience.

The Billy Goats

2008-05-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, the rumors are true. I am moving into town in a month. ONE MONTH. I have waited SIX MONTHS for this. Capitola. Capitola Cove, actually. "The Commune" or even "Camp Hammer Retirement Community" it has been called.

Moving on, I am more than thrilled to discard my 50 minute drive into town and back home each day for a 2 minute bike ride or, even better, 5 minute walk to work each day. Shall we go even so far as to mention the 5 minute walk to the beach? Yes, we shall.

My favorite memory of this 50 minute drive home to camp is the first time I saw Billy and his wife. The moment I turned the corner by the monastery, ol'Billy jumped off his hind legs and tried to run up the steep, dusty hill. Sadly, he just couldn't climb like he used to, and he tumbled down back into the highway. This was the first time I saw them. The Billy goats. A white one with a beautiful beard (who I call Billy), and a black one. They just hobble along the highway all day long, jumping around gleefully as cars approach. These billy goats are the joy of my drive. If I am able to see these billy goats on my drive up, it was all worth it. I am going to miss them so much.

Hopefully, the billy goats will come out either today or tomorrow so I can show you a picture of them. They are adorable, and amazing. I'll keep you updated.

Emergen-C

2008-04-20T18:25:00.000-07:00

Isn't Emergen-C the best? The powered fizzy drink that prevents you from getting sick when you know you are doomed? I think so. Nothing like an $8 box of drink mix that lasts for a year and saves your butt when a cold is coming on and you have a term paper/presentation due in a week.

This is tragic.

Safeway. Safeway is robbing us. I went to the store just today to find this wonderful supplement and guess what I stumbled upon??? A box of Emergen-C NO CHEAPER than $17.00!!!

I swear.

It was awful. I didn't know what to tell myself... "welp, let the post nasal drip take over this time... you can't handle this bill." ABSOLUTELY NOT. I had the box in my hand.... about to leave the aisle. But I just could not do it. I feel like I would be paying my left arm for this, what an outstanding price! So, I looked a few rows down and found... (that's right) AIRBORNE. I consider this silly canister a joke. It's like alka seltzer. Or something weird like that. I have absolutely no faith in it.

Ok, I can't lie anymore, I didn't buy Airborne. I bought "Air Health". That's right, I could even pay for the name brand $6 canister. I had to go to the $4.00 canister. I have decided this is all a mental game I play with myself... the only reason Air Health hasn't stopped my colds is because of my lack of faith. So this time, I'm turning over a new leaf. I am going to drink my lemon alka seltzer KNOWING that this cold will not conquer me.

Oh, geez. Who am I kidding? I will be down and out for 2 weeks.

Doing stuff

2008-03-24T19:46:00.000-07:00

Why is it that every time I need to do laundry and clean out my car it takes a whole day? How is a woman supposed to keep up with her life if she can barely afford the time to wash her dirty shorts and pick up the spilled pita chips in her car? So... do I forsake homework, sleep, or clean clothes? This baffles me completely.

For some reason.... I feel like the latter should be a priority, but it doesn't seem to comply with reality. Logic, or Truth if you will, should be transferable to reality, don't you think?

Well, unknowingly I just made an amazing segway (how the heck do you spell that) into a recent topic in my life. You know what I like about the Bible? It's not made for the abstract, it's made for reality. It's supposed to make sense in every day life (assuming that you are properly interpreting it). Which may make you question if you are reading the Bible properly. Despite what you may have been taught, there is a correct way to read the Bible. There is an incorrect way to read the Bible. Don't assume that Paul was talking to you. Because the truth is, most of the time he wasn't. He was writing to the believers in __________. Even more specific, he was frequently writing to Jews. Sorry to burst your bubble, but most of you out there aren't Jews.

Now, if you did the math correctly there, it means he wasn't writing to you. Don't despair, this does not mean that the book cannot mean something to us. Of course it can, that's why it's in the Bible. But you can't assume that Paul, or whoever the author is, is talking to you. You CAN learn about God though. You can learn about His dealings with his people throughout history, His character as consistently revealed through many stories, and one of my favorite parts is that you can learn ancient wisdom that has been passed down through centuries.

Ok that's all I have to say, just don't botch the Bible, please.

Muff Tuff

2008-03-20T20:24:00.001-07:00

Sandals and such...

2008-03-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

Well, the votes are in, I don't want to call it too soon. However, as previously discussed, I dont have a heavy readership, so I believe 9 votes is all this pathetic blog will be able to muster up.

Light green it is.

However, look at those sandals, how do I purchase those? But thinking back on it, how could I not?

To my dear friends,

Most of you know how busy my life is right now and how badly I hate being so busy. I can't believe how well I've been able to manage my schedule, however, and not let it overcome me. Sure, I have my days where I break down and pray that I can find girls to move in with in Santa Cruz. I long for the days of riding my bicycle around this funky town, of have to fill my gas tank up once a month instead of once a week, of walking down the street to get a pop because I want one. Most of all, I want to walk to the beach when I want. I want to take my school book and go sit on a bench overlooking the water, and sit under the sun so my clear Oregon skin can blister. Yuck, sorry.

Now, how many of you that are actually able to embrace these "taste of heaven" moments ACTUALLY choose to do so? I just challenge all of you out there... you live in one of the most beautiful places I have seen in my life (that is, you who live in Santa Cruz). You have NO IDEA how blessed you are. Take advantage of it, if not for yourself, for my sake.

Barbeque outside (but only with friends over... this is required for barbeques).

Sit outside and let a glass of lemonade or pop last at least an hour. Sure, it may get watery, but its good for you. Trust me. If that is too boring, do it with a friend. In fact, I prefer you do it with a friend. What a rewarding experience.

Tell me you'll think about it.

Independence

2008-03-16T16:52:00.000-07:00

First of all I am very pleased to say that I have acquired a new reader, and I believe I have a few readers out there that have not yet commented. If you participate in the gaiety that is my blog... please, let me know you tune in.

This font is blood red, weird.

I am really excited to move out on my own. Yes, I did do that like 5 years ago. However, its different. It's different to have a place that you are proud of calling home, that you have no eminent plans to leave. A place where you are allowed to paint the walls, or stick a nail in the wall (or floor) if you so desire. A place where you can garden and know you will be around long enough to see the blossoms. Do you know what I mean?

I am anxiously awaiting that day.

DISCONTENDEDNESS

2008-03-14T19:12:00.000-07:00

Yes, I made up that word. But it had to be done.

I am thrilled that I have 4 steady readers. In fact, all of my polls so far have received 4 loyal votes I believe. However, this time, you have rattled me. Each person voted for something different. Unlike my last blog, it matters this time, folks.

I'm buying something. With money.

How am I supposed to make a decision if my readership can't?

Alright, its time to recruit. I need a new viewer. Someone who can break the tie.

Also, I've been thinking about Pacifism lately. Has anyone out there embraced the pacifist lifestyle?

Salt-water Sandals

2008-03-11T18:59:00.000-07:00

The epitome of summertime as a child is salt-water sandals. You may disagree with me (and that's fine, cause I didn't fully think this thought through yet), but salt-water sandals bring more childhood sunshine and lemonade thoughts than anything else I can presently think of. These sandals are the classic "don't-jump-too-high-or-when-you-land-you-will-sting-your-feet-to-death" sandals. Thin, stiff leather sole, bible times sandal straps around your toes and ankles, what could bring more joy?

I'm not really sure. And that is why I have decided to purchase some salt-water sandals in my adulthood. I really don't have a clue if there is a single outfit I could wear them with, or if I even care. I will probably unabashedly wear them with any outfit despite their relevance.

However, I would like your advice on one thing, what color should I get? Now, understand that the leather sole is always the same, but the straps come in varied colors. Please help me out by referring to the poll at the bottom of my blog and voting for the color of salt-water sandals I should purchase. Or, purchase a pair for yourself. But, if you do, you MUST send me a picture to post on my blog.

Sick

2008-02-22T19:29:00.000-08:00

My runny nose is gross. Man, colds really wipe you out sometimes. I'm wondering if its just my town, or if alot of the state or nation is going through the sickness season right now. I thought I would avoid it. I also thought I would have got a flu shot before it hit. (Don't tell my mom I didn't, unless you're reading this mom.... then, sorry).

The best part about sick season is that teachers don't care. They have no pity on you. As if they never had a sick child that was wiped out and they had to stay home with. What is it about professors that develop some complex that says "I AM A HEALTHY SPIRITUAL BEING AND YOU SHOULD BE THE SAME. IF NOT, MAY SQUIRRELS RAIN UPON YOUR ROOFTOPS."

Values

2008-02-19T20:20:00.000-08:00

I recently took a small quiz/questionnaire in a class that made me define my top 5 values in life, here they are:

Spirituality
Serving
Beauty
Change
Forgiveness

We then had to go through and list the top 3 best decisions we've made, and the 3 we most regret. Alongside those decisions, we had to write which values the decisions reflect. As expected, the decisions that were regretted hardly ever reflect or were based upon any of my values.

"The valuable lesson to be learned here is that the quality of the decisions you make in the future can be improved by incorporating an examination of your values."

Interesting. I guess the point here is that I now must make important decisions in life only after examining my values and acting accordingly.

This shall be interesting...

Santa Cruz not Boulder Creek

2008-02-18T15:17:00.000-08:00

Today, more than other days, I need to move into Santa Cruz.

Bi-lingual babies.

2008-02-07T19:17:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure I want my children to be bi-lingual. Actually, I really want them to be. So badly.

Now the obvious problem here is that I have yet to master the English language. So, here I am, in Coffee Cat again... listening to French radio. That's right, french radio offered to me directly from my itunes radio station guide.

Something inside of me believes that if I listen to it enough, one day my children will be bilingual.

Please take into account I just downed a large cappuccino, am living off of 6 hrs of sleep a night, and I currently have 2 massive projects ahead of me that are both due this weekend. Please consider this post nothing more than a distraction from the tasks ahead of me.

Graduation

2008-02-04T18:27:00.000-08:00

I just graduated in May. It was not exciting. It was not hectic. It did not seem like a transitional period, either. It was just...graduation, I guess. I wore a robe, walked down an aisle, joked with my friends, and shook Jon Wallace's hand (boy was that a rush). I am sad that I completely missed out on my one college graduation that I will probably ever experience.

It is eight months later, and it is in these past few months that I have finally been able to experience a graduation of sorts. I have experienced excitement for the new phase in my life. Things are hectic (boy are they). And I can't even begin to explain where the transitional period started or where it may end.

I am living at Camp Hammer right now, in a staff room with simply a bunk bed, closet, and a bathroom. I spend half my week working as a Human Resource Assistant at Macy's, and half of my week going to school at Western Seminary. Somewhere in between those two I put in 12 hours at camp and maintain some close relationships.

Today I moved everything I own into a new residence (for the fourth time in the past four months). Well, I still have more stuff to move. People keep expressing deep pity for me, but I'm not sure that's what I'm feeling. I also am extremely busy, but I don't think I'm stressed. Friendships have been struggling and breaking, but I haven't felt much grief.

What I have been experiencing is change, conflict, and adventure... and I think in some way this is what I have been wanting. Four years in college provided me with none of these (believe it or not). I have been learning to love my friends. I have been realizing the beauty in life. Finally, I have been pressed to need God. I have never needed God, at least not for more than a few weeks or months at a time... but each time I drive up and down this mountain, I know that the life ahead of me will not contain the change, conflict, and adventure my heart truly desires unless I'm seeking God every moment of my day.

So here I am, traveling almost 2 hours in my car each day of the week... experiencing my post-graduation dilemnas.